July 2014 Newsletter

Why Follow God’s Plan for Marriage and Family by Roger Haskin

Why is the family structure, that was designed by God in the beginning, still important today? Or, is it? In this paper I will use Biblical references along with current scientific studies that will show the benefits of following God’s design for marriage and family. That is, a husband (man) and wife (woman) being married and raising children together. God created man and then created an environment in which man could flourish. This environment is called the family.      

 Right at the beginning of His creation, God decides that it is not good for man to be alone. Genesis 2:18 “It is not good that man should be alone, I will make a helper fit for him.” (ESV) During all of creation God said after each created thing that it was good. This is the first time that he says something is not good. The creator knows His creation better than anybody. If He sees the need for something it must be real.

Well, modern scientific studies back this up. A joint study published in 2012 by Michigan State University and the University of Cincinnati concludes that married couples live longer, experience lower levels of heart disease, cancers, flu, Alzheimer’s, depression and stress. In 2009 a study published by the University of Chicago, found that married people who became single at midlife, for whatever reason, experienced a decline in their physical health. One of the earliest scientific studies on this subject was done in 1858 by a British epidemiologist named William Farr. Surprisingly enough, he came to the same conclusion then. In his words, “Marriage is a healthy estate. The single individual is more likely to be wrecked on his voyage than the lives joined together in matrimony.” I love when “modern science proves” that God had it right about 6000 years ago.

The ESV Study Bible explains the purpose of marriage very well. “God’s people are called to show the world how men and women are meant to relate in mutually beneficial ways for the glory of God. When men and women function in this way, they display something profound and mysteriously like the relationship between Jesus and his Bride, the church.” To sum it up, the purpose of marriage is to glorify God. The writers of the ESV Study Bible draw these conclusions from the writings of Paul, in Ephesians 5.  In Ephesians 5:32 Paul explains God’s primary reason for marriage.

“This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers Christ and the church.” Eph 5:32(ESV)

Harvard psychologist Mark O’Connell, PhD agrees, sort of.  In his book The Marriage Benefit: The Surprising Rewards of Staying Together in Midlife O’Connell writes "Our intimate relationships should change us. They should cause us to grow, and if they don't then there's something missing." Being the well-educated professor from Harvard that he is, O’Connell can see that something is missing. Unfortunately, all of his worldly knowledge doesn’t point him to what or who is missing. God created this institution to point us to our need for Him. Nothing else will fill that void. 

So, does that mean all we have to do is recognize that the purpose of marriage is to glorify God and understand that it is for our benefit? Is that the end? Not at all. Too many believers think that having a knowledge of God and His purpose in our lives is enough. James says it very clearly for us, “…faith by itself, if it does not have works is dead.” James 2:17 (ESV)

To apply this to marriage and family, it means we have to put forth effort to have a God honoring marriage and family. We have to apply the knowledge we gain from scripture. In other words, we have to follow the directions given in Ephesians 5 and 6 for husbands, wives and children. The direction given to parents in Deut. 6, Proverbs and many other areas of scripture, need to be carried out in our homes.

Let’s start with the direction given in Ephesians 5 to husbands and wives. Paul begins the chapter with a general command to all. “Therefore be imitators of God as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Eph 5:1 (ESV) This same command is given again in vs 25-27. This time it is given specifically to husbands. They are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Be imitators.

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God…. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Eph 5:1-2…22-33(ESV)

I believe as leaders, husbands are called to their responsibility first. This doesn’t mean that if a husband doesn’t fulfill his responsibility to the Lord that it gives the wife permission to ignore her responsibilities. It simply means that if he fulfills his first, it makes it easier for his wife to submit and respect him. It is very difficult for a wife, who desires to follow the Lord, to follow a husband who is not.

What does it look like to give yourself up for your wife? I submit that this is a very simple statement to understand though it may be difficult to implement. This command simply means that your wife’s needs come before your own. This is not always an easy task. Christ struggled with this in the Garden of Gethsemane when He prayed:

“My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” Matt 26:39b (ESV)

Matthew describes Christ’s agony as He went back three times to pray as He conformed His will to the Father’s. Luke gives a little more detail in his description:

“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but your’s, be done.” And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. Luke 22:42-44 (ESV)

Now I’m not trying to say that husband putting their wives needs ahead of their own is equal to Christ giving into the fact that He was to be crucified to fulfill the will of the Father. What I am saying is that Christ is our ultimate example of putting others first. And, husbands are called to the same task. If necessary they are to lay down their lives for their wives. That’s what Paul means when he says “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

As for wives, they are simply commanded to respect their husbands and submit to them as to the Lord. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Eph 5:22 (ESV) …and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Eph 5:33b (ESV) In Genesis 2 this was easy. However, because of the fall described in Genesis 3, the wife’s desire is against her husband.

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Gen 3:16 (ESV)

A wife, who has a husband that is not following the Lord, finds herself in a very difficult position. How does she submit to a man who is not submitting himself to the Lord? I don’t profess to have the answer here. That’s why I wrote above that the husband needs to lead in this area. I believe that part of the husband’s responsibility is to create an environment in which his wife and children are drawn to the Lord. He will be held accountable. If we are to believe that the husband is the leader in the home, it’s not a huge stretch to say that Hebrews 13:17 is referring to him as well as other leaders in our lives.    

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you. Heb 13:17 (ESV)

I want to turn our attention to the other part of the family unit now, children. The original question was, “Why is the family structure, that was designed by God in the beginning, still important today? In my opinion, the destruction of the traditional family is the greatest threat to our society. And, this threat impacts children the most.

In 1947 Harvard sociologist and professor, Carl Zimmerman, publish a book titled Family and Civilization, in which he laid out the results of years of research on how the family impacted civilizations. In his findings he determined that no nation can out live the strength of its families. So, how does this, impact children?

It is a father and mother’s responsibility to care for and teach their children. Deuteronomy 6 is written to all Israelites and is very clear on the importance and purpose of the family unit. There is no way to fulfill these commands without God’s deigned family structure in place.  

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deut. 6:4-9 (ESV)

The Bible is a treasure trove of good instruction on how we are to raise our children.

 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Prv 22:6 (ESV)

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. Prv 23:13-14 (ESV)

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Prv 29:15 (ESV)

Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart. Prv 29:17

For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?  If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.  Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?  For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Heb 12:6-11 (ESV)

I could go on listing scriptures but I think you get the idea. When we follow God’s plan for marriage and family things go better. It doesn’t mean that we will have not troubles. Scripture is very clear that will have trials. The difference is that the Lord is with us comforting us through the hard times when we surrender to Him.

Here are a few statistics that show what happens when we don’t follow the Lord’s plan. Fatherless homes have become an epidemic in our culture today and they are wreaking havoc on children.

·         90% of homeless & runaway children are from fatherless homes (US Dept. of Health)

·         85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes (CDC)

·         85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction)

·         71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (National Principals Association Report)

·         70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (US Dept. of Justice)

·         63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. of Health)

·         43% of US children live without their father (US Dept. of Census)

These numbers are staggering. However, in the midst of all of this tragedy there is hope. The hope comes when we do it God’s way. Children with fathers who are involved are:

·         70% less likely to drop out of school

·         40% less likely to repeat a grade in school

·         More likely to get A’s in school

Mark Gunger mentions some incredible statistics that come from several different studies. One is from an article written in the Baptist Press in 2003. It claims that if the mother is the first to become a Christian, there is a 17 percent probability everyone else in the household will follow. But if the father is first, there is a 93 percent probability everyone else in the household will follow.

Another is from a Swiss government study done in 2000. It states that if a mother and father attend church regularly 33% of their children will end up attending church regularly. If only the mother attends regularly and not the father, 2% of the children will end up attending regularly. Here’s the surprise. If only the father attends church regularly and the mother doesn’t attend church at all, 44% of their children will end up attending regularly.

It doesn’t matter how you look at it. The facts are the facts. God’s design for marriage and family is as important today as it was when He first created it. He is the creator and He knows what is best for us. History shows that when we don’t follow God’s plan, society falls apart. And when we do follow His plan He blesses us.

This final verse from Colossians sums it up very well.

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Col 3:18-21 (ESV)

Two great marriage events coming your way.

 

First, we have a six-week Art of Marriage study starting October 6th, from 5 to 6:30pm, for six consecutive Sunday evenings.  For more information, contact us go sign up at http://islandbaptistartofmarriage.eventbrite.com

Second, the Weekend to Remember is fast approaching.  It will be the weekend of November 8-10th at the Lakeway Best Western in Bellingham.  Roger and I have attended this event, yearly, for about fourteen years.  It is incredible.  For more information on this event, go to www.familylife.com and look for marriage events.

Hope to see you at one event or another!

The Intimacy of Prayer

The Intimacy of Prayer

I would like to start out this morning by reading James 5: 13-16

 Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

 At the end of July my family and I returned from Staff Conference for Campus Crusade for Christ at Fort Collins, CO. We were with about 5,000 other missionaries from Cru. Every two years all of the Cru staff come together for a time of training, worship, and encouragement. We had several speakers that challenged us in many different ways.

One of those was the value of discipleship. (Priceless)

Many of you here have invested your time and knowledge into others throughout your life. There is no value that can be put on that. People that you have discipled during your life could not walk up to you and pay you any amount of money that would be equal to the value of what you gave to them. When I look back at the people who have discipled me along my path, I can't repay them for what they gave me.

But what I can do is repeat what they taught me. I can duplicate it. I can do for others what they did for me.  And that is something that I have devoted my life to doing. 

For me, I have to say that what captivated me the most during our week at Fort Collins, was the intentional prayer that went on throughout the week. My wife, Tonya, and I pray quite often. We pray together on a daily basis. And, I have always believed that the Lord hears our prayers and answers them. However, this past week gave me a completely new understanding of prayer.  As we were walking back to the dorm after one of the main sessions the Lord impressed on me how intimate our prayers are to Him. How our prayers make Him feel close to us. It was very clear to me at that moment that I had only been going through the motions before. He opened my eyes to the fact that when I pray I’m not simply praying to a distant god that's out there somewhere. I’m actually talking to my best friend. When I pray I'm having a conversation with my best friend who is standing right next to me. He's right here. He is a friend who delights in answering my pleas. But He's more than a friend.

He's my Father. My Abba Father.

He's your Friend. Your Father.

My brain is too small to comprehend how it all works, but I do know that our God loves to spend time with us. The same way I love to spend time with my children. I enjoy every precious moment. My children give me a joy that I can't explain. From the moment they get up to the moment they go to bed. I want to be with them. I want to hold them close to me. Their hugs energize me.

When I put it in that context it became clear to me why we pray. Our Father wants to spend time with us. He wants to spend intimate time with us. This is what brings Him joy. It makes Him happy. It puts a smile on His face. It's why He created us. And in return, in return for our attention, He fills us with His Spirit which gives us a joy that surpasses all understanding.

Philippians 4:4-7 Reads:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We don't have to understand every minute detail when it comes to our relationship with the Lord. All we really need to know is that He loves us. And when we love Him in return, that creates a relationship that nothing can tear apart.

Romans 8:35-39 says:

Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

   No in all these things we are more than conquerers through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation can separate us from the love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I Love my Father. I love my God. And, I want to spend time with Him. Don't you?

We serve a loving God!  We serve a personal God! We serve a mighty God!

Now when I pray, it changes me. It fills me up. It’s no longer something I have to do or should do. It’s something I GET to do. And I look forward to it! I get to talk directly with the creator of the universe and He listens to me. He not only listens, He’s excited to hear from me. What a concept! What a God!

Do I Really Trust Thee?
"Do you really trust me?" I hear Him say to me.  God often tests our faith...that is what He does.  He refines us.  He takes away and He gives and He watches how we respond. He watches us grow and mature. His goal is to grow us up in Jesus.   I can hear Him say to me:

Do you trust Me to heal those hurt places?
Do you trust Me to heal your marriage?
Do you trust Me to heal all the marriages around you?
Do you trust Me to provide for you?
Do you trust Me with your children?
Do you trust your precious daughter to Me?
Do you trust her future to Me?
Do you trust Me to bring peace where there is none?
Do you trust Me with your friendships?
Do you trust Me with your ministry...My ministry?
Do you trust My timing and My ways?
Do you trust Me with the process of making you resemble My Son?

Most of the time I have to respond, "Yes, I want to trust You unconditionally, but I'm not.  I need You to help me with my doubts, Oh Lord...help me to totally relinquish control!"

How are you doing?  Do you really trust Him?  I pray you have victory in this area of trust.

Our Young Lady in Argentina

As a parent, you never are quite fully prepared for all the adventures your children will go through.  I know that I was so excited when Natasha wanted to go on a longer missions trip to serve the Lord.  As we started exploring where she could go, I had all the confidence and courage I needed to help with plans, secure paperwork, send her for the vaccines she would need, help her get packed and buy her tickets.

I thought, "this is great, I have no anxious thoughts, I'm not reluctant to let her leave, I'm sure Scott and Ruth in Argentina will take fine care to see that she is safe".  Then came February 19th, and I started rethinking this whole adventure.  Have Roger and I really prepared her for this three month journey?  Have we taught her all she will need to navigate this trip to Argentina?  I had prayed about each step, with Natasha, with Roger, and with my Lord, of course; yet I watched Natasha go through security, put all her valuables on that belt, walk through that metal detector and put all her jewelry, shoes and bags back together, and I was not comforted.  Then the surreal part; she kept getting smaller and smaller and the details of her shape got fuzzier and fuzzier...it didn't help that by this time, my eyes were all wet.

What was I thinking saying 'yes' to this mission trip?  What was I thinking encouraging her to go?  I just honestly wanted to call the whole thing off.  I know our Lord is in control, I know it!  Sometimes that doesn't help the momentary crushing of the heart as we, as parents, have to let go.  My gut level impulse was to yell, "I'm sorry, I've changed my mind and you can't get on that plane".  What a wimp I was turning out to be!

The car ride back from the airport was quiet and heavy.  Natasha's brothers knew instinctively how much less fun and exciting our lives were about to get without Ms. Hippy Child around.  I just can't complete with her full out energy and zest for life.  Penina, her best friend since first grade, knew instinctively that she would have one less confidant for the next three months.  No one to do spontaneous QFC runs, shoe shopping at Value Village or last minute tea with other girlfriends.  And Josiah, his face told it all.  He had started this courtship with Natasha only a year ago, after five years of friendship, and He was acutely aware of how he would miss her smile and her crazy antics.  We were all grieving.

Nearly two months has passed and I need to tell you that Christ has helped each of us through this adventure.  Each of us has become stronger.  We do understand that she was supposed to go, so we could all grow up in our faith.  Natasha has said the same.  She knows she was supposed to listen to the Lord's promptings and serve elsewhere.  She needed to make this faith her own, and nothing like leaving home to go to a foreign country where you don't speak the language well, to learn to lean into Christ.

I am stronger now.  I know He is teaching me to rely only on Him, not Roger, not Natasha, not on false securities, just on Him.  So, centered once again, I look forward with joy and anticipation to hear all about how God has spoken to Natasha when she returns in May.  Until then, I will keep reading the Word, praying and leaning into Him.

January Newsletter