Why is the family structure,
that was designed by God in the beginning, still important today? Or, is it? In
this paper I will use Biblical references along with current scientific studies
that will show the benefits of following God’s design for marriage and family.
That is, a husband (man) and wife (woman) being married and raising children
together. God created man and then created an environment in which man could
flourish. This environment is called the family.
Right at the beginning of His creation, God
decides that it is not good for man to be alone. Genesis 2:18 “It is not good that man should be alone, I
will make a helper fit for him.” (ESV) During all of creation God said
after each created thing that it was good. This is the first time that he says
something is not good. The creator knows His creation better than anybody. If
He sees the need for something it must be real.
Well, modern scientific
studies back this up. A joint study published in 2012 by Michigan State
University and the University of Cincinnati concludes that married couples live
longer, experience lower levels of heart disease, cancers, flu, Alzheimer’s,
depression and stress. In 2009 a study published by the University of Chicago,
found that married people who became single at midlife, for whatever reason,
experienced a decline in their physical health. One of the earliest scientific
studies on this subject was done in 1858 by a British epidemiologist named
William Farr. Surprisingly enough, he came to the same conclusion then. In his
words, “Marriage is a healthy estate. The single individual is more likely to
be wrecked on his voyage than the lives joined together in matrimony.” I love
when “modern science proves” that God had it right about 6000 years ago.
The ESV Study Bible explains
the purpose of marriage very well. “God’s people are called to show the world
how men and women are meant to relate in mutually beneficial ways for the glory
of God. When men and women function in this way, they display something
profound and mysteriously like the relationship between Jesus and his Bride,
the church.” To sum it up, the purpose of marriage is to glorify God. The
writers of the ESV Study Bible draw these conclusions from the writings of Paul,
in Ephesians 5. In Ephesians 5:32 Paul explains
God’s primary reason for marriage.
“This mystery is profound, and I am saying
that it refers Christ and the church.” Eph 5:32(ESV)
Harvard psychologist Mark
O’Connell, PhD agrees, sort of. In his
book The Marriage Benefit: The Surprising
Rewards of Staying Together in Midlife O’Connell writes "Our intimate
relationships should change us. They should cause us to grow, and if they don't
then there's something missing." Being the well-educated professor from
Harvard that he is, O’Connell can see that something
is missing. Unfortunately, all of his worldly knowledge doesn’t point him to
what or who is missing. God created this institution to point us to our need
for Him. Nothing else will fill that void.
So, does that mean all we have
to do is recognize that the purpose of marriage is to glorify God and
understand that it is for our benefit? Is that the end? Not at all. Too many
believers think that having a knowledge of God and His purpose in our lives is
enough. James says it very clearly for us, “…faith
by itself, if it does not have works is dead.” James 2:17 (ESV)
To apply this to marriage
and family, it means we have to put forth effort to have a God honoring
marriage and family. We have to apply the knowledge we gain from scripture. In
other words, we have to follow the directions given in Ephesians 5 and 6 for
husbands, wives and children. The direction given to parents in Deut. 6,
Proverbs and many other areas of scripture, need to be carried out in our
homes.
Let’s start with the
direction given in Ephesians 5 to husbands and wives. Paul begins the chapter
with a general command to all. “Therefore
be imitators of God as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us
and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Eph 5:1
(ESV) This same command is given again in vs 25-27. This time it is given
specifically to husbands. They are to love their wives as Christ loved the
church. Be imitators.
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved
children. And walk in love, as Christ
loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God….
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to
the Lord. For the husband is the head of
the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its
Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands,
love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that
he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the
word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot
or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their
wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but
nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are
members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and
hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is
profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let
each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she
respects her husband. Eph 5:1-2…22-33(ESV)
I believe as leaders,
husbands are called to their responsibility first. This doesn’t mean that if a
husband doesn’t fulfill his responsibility to the Lord that it gives the wife
permission to ignore her responsibilities. It simply means that if he fulfills
his first, it makes it easier for his wife to submit and respect him. It is
very difficult for a wife, who desires to follow the Lord, to follow a husband
who is not.
What does it look like to
give yourself up for your wife? I submit that this is a very simple statement
to understand though it may be difficult to implement. This command simply
means that your wife’s needs come before your own. This is not always an easy
task. Christ struggled with this in the Garden of Gethsemane when He prayed:
“My Father, if it be
possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you
will.” Matt 26:39b (ESV)
Matthew describes Christ’s
agony as He went back three times to pray as He conformed His will to the
Father’s. Luke gives a little more detail in his description:
“Father, if you are
willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but your’s, be
done.” And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And
being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great
drops of blood falling down to the ground. Luke 22:42-44 (ESV)
Now I’m not trying to say
that husband putting their wives needs ahead of their own is equal to Christ
giving into the fact that He was to be crucified to fulfill the will of the
Father. What I am saying is that Christ is our ultimate example of putting
others first. And, husbands are called to the same task. If necessary they are
to lay down their lives for their wives. That’s what Paul means when he says “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved
the church and gave himself up for her.”
As for wives, they are
simply commanded to respect their husbands and submit to them as to the Lord. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to
the Lord. Eph 5:22 (ESV) …and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Eph 5:33b (ESV) In Genesis 2 this was easy. However, because of the fall
described in Genesis 3, the wife’s desire is against her husband.
To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring
forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over
you.” Gen 3:16 (ESV)
A wife, who has a husband that
is not following the Lord, finds herself in a very difficult position. How does
she submit to a man who is not submitting himself to the Lord? I don’t profess
to have the answer here. That’s why I wrote above that the husband needs to lead
in this area. I believe that part of the husband’s responsibility is to create
an environment in which his wife and children are drawn to the Lord. He will be
held accountable. If we are to believe that the husband is the leader in the
home, it’s not a huge stretch to say that Hebrews 13:17 is referring to him as
well as other leaders in our lives.
Obey your leaders and
submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will
have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for
that would be of no advantage to you. Heb 13:17 (ESV)
I want to turn our attention
to the other part of the family unit now, children. The original question was,
“Why is the family structure, that was designed by God in the beginning, still
important today? In my opinion, the destruction of the traditional family is
the greatest threat to our society. And, this threat impacts children the most.
In 1947 Harvard sociologist
and professor, Carl Zimmerman, publish a book titled Family and Civilization, in which he laid out the results of years
of research on how the family impacted civilizations. In his findings he
determined that no nation can out live the strength of its families. So, how
does this, impact children?
It is a father and mother’s
responsibility to care for and teach their children. Deuteronomy 6 is written
to all Israelites and is very clear on the importance and purpose of the family
unit. There is no way to fulfill these commands without God’s deigned family
structure in place.
“Hear, O Israel: The
Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your
heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I
command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to
your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you
walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them
as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You
shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deut. 6:4-9
(ESV)
The Bible is a treasure
trove of good instruction on how we are to raise our children.
Train
up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from
it. Prv 22:6 (ESV)
Do not withhold
discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike
him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. Prv 23:13-14 (ESV)
The rod and reproof
give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Prv 29:15
(ESV)
Discipline your son,
and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart. Prv 29:17
For the Lord
disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is
for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what
son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which
all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who
disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the
Father of spirits and live? For they
disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines
us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline
seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of
righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Heb 12:6-11 (ESV)
I could go on listing
scriptures but I think you get the idea. When we follow God’s plan for marriage
and family things go better. It doesn’t mean that we will have not troubles.
Scripture is very clear that will have trials. The difference is that the Lord
is with us comforting us through the hard times when we surrender to Him.
Here are a few statistics
that show what happens when we don’t follow the Lord’s plan. Fatherless homes
have become an epidemic in our culture today and they are wreaking havoc on
children.
·
90% of homeless &
runaway children are from fatherless homes (US Dept. of Health)
·
85% of all
children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes (CDC)
·
85% of all youths
in prison come from fatherless homes (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of
Correction)
·
71% of all high
school dropouts come from fatherless homes (National Principals Association
Report)
·
70% of youths in
state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (US Dept. of Justice)
·
63% of youth
suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. of Health)
·
43% of US
children live without their father (US Dept. of Census)
These numbers are
staggering. However, in the midst of all of this tragedy there is hope. The
hope comes when we do it God’s way. Children with fathers who are involved are:
·
70% less likely
to drop out of school
·
40% less likely
to repeat a grade in school
·
More likely to
get A’s in school
Mark Gunger mentions some
incredible statistics that come from several different studies. One is from an
article written in the Baptist Press in 2003. It claims that if the mother is
the first to become a Christian, there is a 17 percent probability everyone
else in the household will follow. But if
the father is first, there is a 93 percent probability everyone else in the
household will follow.
Another is from a Swiss
government study done in 2000. It states that if a mother and father attend
church regularly 33% of their children will end up attending church regularly.
If only the mother attends regularly and not the father, 2% of the children
will end up attending regularly. Here’s the surprise. If only the father
attends church regularly and the mother doesn’t attend church at all, 44% of
their children will end up attending regularly.
It doesn’t matter how you
look at it. The facts are the facts. God’s design for marriage and family is as
important today as it was when He first created it. He is the creator and He
knows what is best for us. History shows that when we don’t follow God’s plan,
society falls apart. And when we do follow His plan He blesses us.
This final verse from
Colossians sums it up very well.
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the
Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey
your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke
your children, lest they become discouraged. Col 3:18-21 (ESV)
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