Do I Really Trust Thee?
"Do you really trust me?" I hear Him say to me. God often tests our faith...that is what He does. He refines us. He takes away and He gives and He watches how we respond. He watches us grow and mature. His goal is to grow us up in Jesus. I can hear Him say to me:
Do you trust Me to heal those hurt places?
Do you trust Me to heal your marriage?
Do you trust Me to heal all the marriages around you?
Do you trust Me to provide for you?
Do you trust Me with your children?
Do you trust your precious daughter to Me?
Do you trust her future to Me?
Do you trust Me to bring peace where there is none?
Do you trust Me with your friendships?
Do you trust Me with your ministry...My ministry?
Do you trust My timing and My ways?
Do you trust Me with the process of making you resemble My Son?
Most of the time I have to respond, "Yes, I want to trust You unconditionally, but I'm not. I need You to help me with my doubts, Oh Lord...help me to totally relinquish control!"
How are you doing? Do you really trust Him? I pray you have victory in this area of trust.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Our Young Lady in Argentina
As a parent, you never are quite fully prepared for all the adventures your children will go through. I know that I was so excited when Natasha wanted to go on a longer missions trip to serve the Lord. As we started exploring where she could go, I had all the confidence and courage I needed to help with plans, secure paperwork, send her for the vaccines she would need, help her get packed and buy her tickets.
I thought, "this is great, I have no anxious thoughts, I'm not reluctant to let her leave, I'm sure Scott and Ruth in Argentina will take fine care to see that she is safe". Then came February 19th, and I started rethinking this whole adventure. Have Roger and I really prepared her for this three month journey? Have we taught her all she will need to navigate this trip to Argentina? I had prayed about each step, with Natasha, with Roger, and with my Lord, of course; yet I watched Natasha go through security, put all her valuables on that belt, walk through that metal detector and put all her jewelry, shoes and bags back together, and I was not comforted. Then the surreal part; she kept getting smaller and smaller and the details of her shape got fuzzier and fuzzier...it didn't help that by this time, my eyes were all wet.
What was I thinking saying 'yes' to this mission trip? What was I thinking encouraging her to go? I just honestly wanted to call the whole thing off. I know our Lord is in control, I know it! Sometimes that doesn't help the momentary crushing of the heart as we, as parents, have to let go. My gut level impulse was to yell, "I'm sorry, I've changed my mind and you can't get on that plane". What a wimp I was turning out to be!
The car ride back from the airport was quiet and heavy. Natasha's brothers knew instinctively how much less fun and exciting our lives were about to get without Ms. Hippy Child around. I just can't complete with her full out energy and zest for life. Penina, her best friend since first grade, knew instinctively that she would have one less confidant for the next three months. No one to do spontaneous QFC runs, shoe shopping at Value Village or last minute tea with other girlfriends. And Josiah, his face told it all. He had started this courtship with Natasha only a year ago, after five years of friendship, and He was acutely aware of how he would miss her smile and her crazy antics. We were all grieving.
Nearly two months has passed and I need to tell you that Christ has helped each of us through this adventure. Each of us has become stronger. We do understand that she was supposed to go, so we could all grow up in our faith. Natasha has said the same. She knows she was supposed to listen to the Lord's promptings and serve elsewhere. She needed to make this faith her own, and nothing like leaving home to go to a foreign country where you don't speak the language well, to learn to lean into Christ.
I am stronger now. I know He is teaching me to rely only on Him, not Roger, not Natasha, not on false securities, just on Him. So, centered once again, I look forward with joy and anticipation to hear all about how God has spoken to Natasha when she returns in May. Until then, I will keep reading the Word, praying and leaning into Him.
I thought, "this is great, I have no anxious thoughts, I'm not reluctant to let her leave, I'm sure Scott and Ruth in Argentina will take fine care to see that she is safe". Then came February 19th, and I started rethinking this whole adventure. Have Roger and I really prepared her for this three month journey? Have we taught her all she will need to navigate this trip to Argentina? I had prayed about each step, with Natasha, with Roger, and with my Lord, of course; yet I watched Natasha go through security, put all her valuables on that belt, walk through that metal detector and put all her jewelry, shoes and bags back together, and I was not comforted. Then the surreal part; she kept getting smaller and smaller and the details of her shape got fuzzier and fuzzier...it didn't help that by this time, my eyes were all wet.
What was I thinking saying 'yes' to this mission trip? What was I thinking encouraging her to go? I just honestly wanted to call the whole thing off. I know our Lord is in control, I know it! Sometimes that doesn't help the momentary crushing of the heart as we, as parents, have to let go. My gut level impulse was to yell, "I'm sorry, I've changed my mind and you can't get on that plane". What a wimp I was turning out to be!
The car ride back from the airport was quiet and heavy. Natasha's brothers knew instinctively how much less fun and exciting our lives were about to get without Ms. Hippy Child around. I just can't complete with her full out energy and zest for life. Penina, her best friend since first grade, knew instinctively that she would have one less confidant for the next three months. No one to do spontaneous QFC runs, shoe shopping at Value Village or last minute tea with other girlfriends. And Josiah, his face told it all. He had started this courtship with Natasha only a year ago, after five years of friendship, and He was acutely aware of how he would miss her smile and her crazy antics. We were all grieving.
Nearly two months has passed and I need to tell you that Christ has helped each of us through this adventure. Each of us has become stronger. We do understand that she was supposed to go, so we could all grow up in our faith. Natasha has said the same. She knows she was supposed to listen to the Lord's promptings and serve elsewhere. She needed to make this faith her own, and nothing like leaving home to go to a foreign country where you don't speak the language well, to learn to lean into Christ.
I am stronger now. I know He is teaching me to rely only on Him, not Roger, not Natasha, not on false securities, just on Him. So, centered once again, I look forward with joy and anticipation to hear all about how God has spoken to Natasha when she returns in May. Until then, I will keep reading the Word, praying and leaning into Him.
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