October 2012 Newsletter

September Newsletter

Safeguards for your most important Earthly Relationship

Hello friends and family,

Last month we used a safeguard theme for our monthly prayer and praise newsletter.  We received some great feedback on the whole concept and thought we would include this information on our blog as well.  We are so intentional with other safeguards, yet often don't have them for our marriages...so here they are:

Most people have no intentional safeguards in place, yet the Lord says, Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23. Marriage is a heart issue. Your relationship with your spouse is second to none, other than with your Creator. We must be intentional about protecting this covenantal relationship. Some ideas that may help you create safeguards for your marriage are...

 

· Do not allow yourselves to be alone with a person of the opposite sex.  When Roger worked at Youth for Christ, he was asked to attend a leadership meeting in another city.  Only two leaders were scheduled to go (Roger and a woman). His boss expected them to car pool. Roger said they would need to drive separately or take a third person. A third attended the training. Just recently, I had a neighbor man ask for a ride to an appointment, as he had no vehicle. I arranged for my friend to come with us.  I picked her up first, then assisted the man with a ride.

 

· Have discussions before you make any decisions about important issues, such as investments (time, resources, or money), job changes, discipline for the children, etc. If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. Matthew 18:19

 

· Be intentional about what you say in public about your relationship.  Be careful not to say things about each other that would embarrass the other.  Our rule of thumb is: If you wouldn't say it to his/her face, you shouldn't be saying it in public. The bottom line is to be honoring to one another always. With the Lord's leading, Roger and I are improving all the time (and with two sarcastic individuals, that is victory)! 

 

· Be careful not to talk about your "marriage stuff" with a person of the opposite sex.  It just invites misinterpretations and the devil gets a foothold.

 

· In our household, we have given each other permission to ask if someone is a "possible threat to our relationship" and we have used that permission at different times. Then we have an honest discussion and assess the threat. Periodically, it may be good to meet your spouse's co-workers as well. That can help send the message that you are a team.

 

· Husbands, learn to listen to your wife's input when it concerns another woman; wives, learn to listen to your husband's input when it concerns another man. You have both been given discernment that will help protect this important relationship.

 

· Your goal is unity in the marriage. Go places together frequently, especially on dates, and introduce your spouse to everyone.  Even on Facebook, you may choose to have your profile picture include your spouse, so no one has to wonder. Again, it demonstrates that you are a team.

 

· So many outside temptations ooze into our homes.  Be intentional about what you see, hear, talk about, and watch.  Pornography is prevalent everywhere, but you can create safeguards.  Whatever is true, . . . whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, . . . dwell on these things.  Philippians 4:8

 

· The last safeguard is one of the most important.  Pray together daily.  It keeps short accounts and helps to indentify and deal with issues as they surface.  Hope these help.

 

 

Hello FamilyLife friends,

This has been a whirlwind summer.  Natasha is busy with her nanny job, extra babysitting, and several house/pet sitting jobs.  She still has her heart set on another mission trip and we are exploring Argentina, where Scott and Ruth Millar are serving.  For now, she is wanting to attend a young adult Bible study.  Tonight, she is visiting one such group at Smokey Point and we will see where that goes.  As always with firstborns, we are treading on new ground with her.  She is in a courting relationship with a young man, Josiah, and it is all new to us.  We just keep the communication lines open and we pray, talk, grow and adjust.  I can't believe this phase of our life came so fast.

Nathaniel has been introduced to a Christian theater group called the Show and Tell Family Projects.  For those of you that know the Crouch's, you know what a great thing this has been for him.  We have discovered that our son loves the stage.  He also loves tennis and has been going to cardio tennis twice a week.  I love this game; no pads, no concussions, no contact!  His skills are improving, so says coach Gary.  Our friends, Jon and Debbie, started bringing Nathaniel with them to practice and watch tennis matches several years ago and their eldest son even coached Nathaniel for a season.  I love it when the body of Christ just surrounds these young people and raises them up as a family.  Nathaniel has also tried his hand at the landscaping business and has two loyal customers.  He has been our lawn care expert now for several seasons and Brent, his second customer, hired him at the beginning of this summer.  He is learning all kinds of things and growing in stature and responsibility. Thank you Lord.

Nehemiah is currently at Warm Beach day camp and loves it.  Last night he was serenading us with all sorts of crazy, off-the-wall songs that just make him giggle.  We have had our children in these day camps for a decade now.  It is so good for them to go and learn about God and get totally exhausted doing it!  Nehemiah is a passionate young man and he is either bouncing off the walls with excitement, or seriously upset (doesn't seem to have a calm state).  The good news is that we never have to guess what he is thinking and he don't have to worry about him hiding away.  He is passionate about all things and we can see such unending potential. As he grows in Christ and gives his entire heart, mind and soul to his Creator, there will be no stopping him.

As for Roger and I, we are constantly amazed at how much we continue to learn about life, our Lord, and each other, especially in the pressure cooker called "support raising".  We have been privy to some incredible works from the Lord, been introduced to many on-fire Christ followers, and have been taken right down to our knees on several occasions.  We are holding on tightly to our Lord, and your prayers, and we will keep on keeping on.  We have an awesome calling on our lives, building up marriages and families using the FamilyLife ministry, and we know the urgent need.  Thank you for loving us and supporting us through this high-paced, non-stop adventure.

Commitment

As a family we travelled to Vancouver, Washington the weekend before last and had a beautiful celebration for my parents, Wayne and Marilyn Stanfield.  They have been marriage 50 years as of June 15th.  How cool is that!  We had several family members and quite a few friends come to my sister's place for dinner.  It was a surprise and my parents loved it.  The best part of the celebration was the fact that my parents took their covenant vows seriously 50 years ago. "In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, 'til death do us part" meant something for both of them.  They have been through a 10-year cancer scare; lost jobs; re-training, rebellious teens; temptations; stock market crashes; strokes; loss of friends; deaths in the family; and many other minor set-backs, yet they chose to lean into each other and on our Lord and have survived and thrived.  They are an amazing testimony that it can be done, even against many scary odds!  That gives me hope for lots of the couples in our culture, at such a time as this.  Thank you Lord that your message of marriage being a breeding ground for holiness, not happiness, is being heard...at least by some.

Have you ever read the Oneness Covenant that FamilyLife gives each couple as they leave the Weekend to Remember? It starts like this:

We Believe God created marriage to be holy, to exemplify the glorious, eternal marriage between His Son and His Church.

We Believe our marriage is a sacred and lifelong covenant.

We Believe God calls us to pursue unconditional love for each other as modeled by His promise never to leave or forsake us.

MAY 5 (This is the devotion for today from Dennis and Barbara Rainey's book, "Moments with You")

Rising to Pray

Where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst. MATTHEW 18:20

We believe—and have learned from long experience—that the true secret to spiritual intimacy in marriage is praying together. Yet surveys from FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember conferences indicate that less than 8 percent of couples actually do this regularly. 

This really troubles me. It means that 9 out of 10 Christian couples today are resisting the number one thing that could draw them closer together spiritually. I often receive encouraging emails from couples who understand the power of this daily spiritual discipline. One gentleman said he purchased a picture frame and places it on his pillow the moment he rolls out of bed in the morning. Inside the frame is a special reminder of something very important to do before he goes to sleep each night: “Have you prayed with Janet today? It’s not too late.”

Another guy wrote to tell me he had tried praying with his wife at night before bed, “but I would always find an excuse not to. One day God really convicted me that I needed to step up as a husband and commit to pray with my wife nightly. I came home that day and told her of my conviction.” In tears the wife said, “I’ve been praying about this for months, but I didn’t want to tell you and pressure you into it. I wanted God to do the work in you.” I want to challenge you to begin praying together daily. I can promise you, on the authority of the Scripture, that if you pray together daily for two years, you will not be the same couple that you are today (see Matthew 18:19). Inviting the God of the universe into your marriage on a daily basis will change things!

Will you think about starting this essential daily routine for the health of your marriage?  Start small: "Thank you Lord for the day and the blessings that flowed from it. Please be with us tomorrow as we start our day".  OR "God, just take over, please!"  It is not so important the words you use, but the fact that you are listening to the Lord and doing something to bring both of you closer to Him.  We will pray that you try this!

Mentor Guide resource

Have you ever had someone confide in you about an issue and not know how to respond? Are you experiencing anything that you would like help with? You will love this Mentoring Guide from FamilyLife. Roger and I are so impressed with this tool that we decided to share it with everyone. If you would like to see this guide, go to www.familylife.com/ementoring. If you want to be an on-line mentor, or should you like an on-line mentor, start by going to the FamilyLife website. Have fun discovering all about this helping tool.

Dear Friends,

Janet Haskin, wife of Robert Haskin (Roger's dad), passed away on Wednesday, March 7th.  She had been battling cancer and put up a heroic fight.  She was an incredible woman and our children loved her.  She will be sorely missed.  It is a great thing to say she connected so well with us, because we actually only visited them three times and they came to us three times in the 18 years that we have known each other. She was so warm and loving, that the title 'grandma' was particularly well suited for her and my children used it with adoration.  I loved her charming personality and great sense of adventure.  The way she said, "Bob...", with her New York accent, just delighted me.  She loved him to pieces and was quite proud of her car-loving, food-making, humor-having husband. Janet leaves behind three grown daughters that were very close to her. 

This happened so suddenly that the Lord has used it to remind me to keep short accounts with those around me and to remember to tell people often how much I love them.  We were so blessed to have her in our lives for the last 18 years!

Roger returns home tonight from Florida, where he was spending some family time with his father.  We are grateful he could go and just be there for support.

My family just watched the movie 'The Grace Card' last night; a very challenging movie. A line by Louis Gosset Jr. sums up the entire movie. "Sunday is spent in the locker room. Monday through Saturday is when we play the game." 

Our first post

We are so excited to see how God might use us to help marriages and families in our area and hope this blog might be a useful tool in His hands. :)